The Dangers of the To-Do List

Posted: November 28, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, mindfulness, motivation, satisfaction | Tags: balance, change, goal-setting, mindfulness, motivation, routine, success, transformation, wellness coaching | 1 Comment

If you are like me, and a lot of other people as well, you probably rely on your to-do list to keep your life sane and orderly. Using the list to keep track of projects and daily issues is a way to stay in control of everything on your plate. And it feels great to cross an item off the list after it has been accomplished.

That is the up-side of a to-do list. The downside of maintaining that list is that it can begin to look eerily similar day after day, and week after week. The same items go on the list, the same items get crossed off, some of them never seem to get touched. Suddenly a month goes by, and then a year. At some point that to-do list changes from a tool for measuring progress and becomes a roadmap of routine.

Routine is not altogether a bad thing. Certain repetitive routines help us get through mundane tasks with minimal mental energy. Brushing your teeth, for example, takes no thought on your part, and is a necessary part of the day. It is a routine, and because it takes very little thought, it doesn’t tax your mental energy. Daily exercise habits and healthy eating patterns are other examples of good routines.

The danger of routine occurs when we no longer think about what we are doing throughout the day. Most of us have certain actions that expected of us on a daily basis. We perform the same functions at work, pick up the kids after school, get dinner on the table, find some way to relax for a while (hopefully) in the evening, then get ready to do it all again tomorrow. Whatever fills our days, chances are there is a lot of repetition required just to keep all the wheels turning. It’s not surprising that one day starts to look like the next, and slowly we lose energy and creativity. It is as if checking off the same items week after week is enough to give us a sense of satisfaction. After all, we are accomplishing something, right?

The other problem with to-do lists is that most are focused on short-term goals. Nothing wrong with that, of course. But when we fill our days with easily attainable goals, or items that seem important but in the long run are actually trivial, we crowd out any time for focusing on long-term goals and dreams. In a perverse sort of way, we can feel more satisfaction in cleaning up after dinner than spending an hour brainstorming ways to start a new project. It is more immediate and tangible, something to crossed off the list, at least for the night. It is almost impossible to successfully bring about long-term change or growth when we condition ourselves to only accept the satisfaction of short-term goals.

One way to break out the daily grind is to become aware of it. Try to recognize when you are running on autopilot. Routines are not always a bad thing, but they always become a better thing when they are done mindfully. Is there a different way to do something? Can it be done better or more efficiently? Does it have to be done at all? Sometimes we continue to do things because we are comfortable with them, but they no longer serve us and we just don’t notice it. If you awaken your mind to your actions, chances are that you will become more conscious of aspects in your life you tend to overlook or no longer need to hang onto.

Another way to overcome mind numbing effects of to-lists and routines is to carve out some time each week to focus on a long-term goal. Maybe it is a half an hour a day, or possibly just an hour a week. But if you live by a list, make sure that block of time is on the list. Design a plan to accomplish the goal, and determine what steps need are needed to get you there. Establish interim benchmarks to mark your progress so you can celebrate along the way. Also be ready to make alterations to the plan as you go along. After all, very few things in life happen exactly as we expect them to.

By making a conscious effort to find time to focus on a long-term goal rather than simply filling the days checking off short-term goals, you may find something interesting happens. So many people are frustrated at the end of the day because they aren’t sure where all the time went. Suddenly the day is over and they don’t feel as if they accomplished much, even though they did hit all the required routines. If you allow yourself to consciously address a dream or a goal that is going to take much longer than just an afternoon, a week, a month–or maybe even a year–to become a reality, you will give yourself the gift of long-term satisfaction. And that satisfaction is much deeper and richer than the type that comes from crossing the same item off the to-do list time and time again. It is the type of satisfaction that can give real meaning and joy to your life.

And that, in my opinion, is certainly something worth adding to your to-do list.

Exercising Self-Control

Posted: November 13, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, motivation, satisfaction | Tags: coaching, goals, happiness, health, motivation, positive psychology, self improvement, self-control, self-regulation, stress reduction | Leave a comment

It is hard to believe that the Holidays are upon us. After all, for those of us in the United States, Thanksgiving is happening next week. From there it is a mad dash for the New Year with barely enough time to come up for air. So it’s not surprising that this is not the time of year that people think of making great changes in their lives. If you look at corporate wellness campaigns during this season, most focus on a message of maintaining, not gaining. I think that holds true for many of us in our personal lives as well. What with the added pressure of the Holidays, year-end projects, and annual deadlines at work, finding the time and energy to focus on change or growth can be nearly impossible.

What we can do during this season, however, is to start an exercise program so we can jumpstart our New Year’s resolutions. Before you click delete, (after all who wants to start an exercise program around Thanksgiving?) let me explain.

One of the basics concepts behind behavioral change deals with self-control, or self-regulation. In order to achieve a goal, we usually need to modify something we are currently doing that is blocking us from reaching our desired outcome. That requires self-control. Or willpower. As a wellness coach, one of the most common reasons I hear when clients discuss previous unsuccessful attempts to make or sustain a behavioral change is that they just didn’t have the willpower.

So here is the good news. Self-control has the same characteristics as a muscle. If you exercise it, it will grow stronger. But here is the kicker. Just like any muscle, strength training needs to be gradual. You cannot spend 24/7 in a gym, exercising all the major muscle groups at the same time and expect to get anywhere except exhausted. If you have a plan though, and exercise different muscles at different times, allowing rest periods in between sessions, you will see results. The muscles will grow, get stronger, and be able to lift heavier burdens as the training continues. The same can be said for developing self-control. If you exercise it on a regular basis, it will get stronger. If you exercise it continually, it will fatigue and let you down. If you don’t exercise it at all, it will atrophy and you will lose it.

The Holidays can be a great time to strengthen self-control and put us in a position to kick butt when it comes to our New Year’s resolutions. One way to do this is to target exercises for a given period of time.

For example: we all know that this is the time of year that offices and workplaces are filled with special holiday treats. Co-workers bring in cookies, vendors send gifts of candy, or popcorn, or nuts. All of it is enough to drive us nuts if we are trying to maintain our weight during the season. This is a prime scenario for trying to resist all temptation all the time. Ultimately, self-control gives in and we end up grazing through whatever we can find. Try this instead–avoid the treats during the day, but let yourself have a healthier snack once home. Or chose one item per day to indulge in–but stop there. You can still enjoy the holidays, not feel deprived, and still feel like you have some control over your behavior. And you are building self-control at the same time.

If battling the office treats seems like too ambitious a start, try beginning with something smaller. Maybe increasing the amount of water you drink during the day. Dehydration is a major problem during the winter months, so increasing water consumption for a period of time can be a great exercise in self-regulation. Possibly you just may want to carve out a half an hour per evening just to focus on downtime for you. Can you lose one sitcom a night to give yourself quiet time or a self-care period? Maybe read a book, meditate, write in a journal, or take a bath.

Do this for a week and see how you feel. Usually when people target a self-regulatory behavior, they notice improvement in self-efficacy. The control they develop in one situation spills over into other aspects of the their lives, and suddenly there is more confidence in their own self-control as a whole. The changes they would like to make in other areas suddenly don’t seem so impossible or out of reach.

If you practice some form of self-control exercise during this season, chances are that you will feel less stressed and more in control during this most hectic time of year. That is one great side benefit. Another will be a very solid foundation for the coming year, when you are ready to focus on your own personal development.

And that is a great thing. After all, when it comes to keeping those resolutions, most of us can use all the help we can get.

Compassion, Judgment, and Stress

Posted: October 30, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, happiness, mindfulness, motivation, Uncategorized, wellness | Tags: acceptance, coaching, compassion, core values, happiness, job stress, judgment, motivation, stress, wellness | Leave a comment

Sometimes when we are going through difficult times, we can feel very isolated. It seems that we experience some problems alone, that know no one would really understand our situation. Rather than reach out for help, whether it is for advise, an ear or just an understanding shoulder, we decide to go it alone and work things out by ourselves. And while the strong silent type may be a good thing in the movies, it is almost always a disaster for well being.

One of the ways to avoid stress during difficult times is to turn to a community. It can be a community of one–your partner, your spouse, a best friend. It can be a community of several–colleagues, friends, or family. With support, it is easier to face any situation especially when you realize you are not alone. Sometimes, however, reaching out for help can be difficult. Just talking about problems can look like a sign of weakness, and in today’s competitive world, weakness is not a characteristic we want to share with others.

One of the ways some people protect themselves during stressful periods is by being judgmental. It can be a judgment of the self, but usually it is a judgment about others in the situation. We may decide that someone is not working hard enough, that they are lazy. Possibly they don’t have the self-control needed to accomplish a task at work. Whatever it may be, when we decide that someone is a certain way, it is a judgment.

And nine times out of ten, that judgment may be incorrect, but it makes us feel better. Judgment is really a defensive behavior. Oftentimes, our judgments are made without any real information about the other person. We may think someone is lazy, not doing their part at work. We don’t know that they have spent the week caring for a chronically ill parent or child. So many times it is easier just to make the judgment rather than make the effort to discover what might be affecting someone else. It can also prevent us from examining how we feel about ourselves in certain situations. After all, we often see in others the characteristics that frighten us most about ourselves.

The one thing judgmental behavior is certain to do is cut us off from others. By its very nature, judgmental behavior is divisive. It is very difficult to feel connected when you are focusing on differences rather than similarities. And when we focus on the differences, we tend to keep people at arm’s length. This increases any isolation we may be feeling, and thus a cycle of judgment and isolation continues to deepen.

It is not until we make a conscious decision to alter judgmental behavior that we will be able to break the cycle and feel less disconnected from others.

In today’s society, it seems that one of the hardest things we can do is to have compassion for others. The idea is at the core of most of the world’s social and religious ideologies, but practicing the concept on a daily basis can sometimes feel like an impossible task. After all, the jerk that just cut you off and took your parking place has made you late for a meeting. How, or more importantly why, should you feel compassion for him? Isn’t anger and irritation( not to mention possible hand gestures) a more appropriate response?

Here’s the deal. Getting angry or irritated is just going to raise your stress levels. True, he may have made you late, but you have no idea what happened to him before your paths connected. It may not seem like a very assertive response, the kind that is highly regarded today. A healthier response, however, would be to wish him well and move on. Not only is it not assertive, it is not easy. But is getting angry, judging him, and creating a divide between you a better use of energy? My guess on that would be no. A better use of energy would be finding a new parking space and getting to the meeting with as little drama as possible. The second option will leave you less stressed and more effective when you do arrive.

Practicing compassion is a way to feel more connected to the world around us rather than isolating ourselves with judgments. Once we finally understand and believe that we are all in this together, tough times can get easier. Acute situations are easier to accept, because we aren’t wasting energy looking for somewhere or someone to place blame. New ways to deal with episodic or chronic stress might become apparent. Compassion allows us to look at all the players and the situation in a non-judgmental way. When we can do that, we can expend energy looking for solutions to issues and problems. Or better yet, acting with compassion can prevent problems from arising in the first place.

And that is truly a much more positive use of time and personal resources.

Check out my free teleclass for Your Best Year Ever and give yourself a head start to a great 2013!

Celebrate Yourself

Posted: October 18, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, happiness, motivation, satisfaction | Tags: achievement, Career, coaching, energy, fulfillment, goal-setting, Optimism, personal growth, Self-talk, stress relief, success | Leave a comment

I think it is fair to say that we all need a cheering section. People standing on the sidelines applauding as we move toward our goals or more importantly, just through the day. Just as the bystanders in a marathon energize the runners , our cheering sections should keep us moving forward in a positive manner. But even if we do have a cheering section, the truth is sometimes we are just too busy and stressed to pay attention.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in to-do lists, projects, deliverables, or daily errands that oftentimes we forget look at what we have already done, and what has already been accomplished. When we fall into that trap, we are in danger of losing our biggest cheerleader–ourselves. It’s not surprising that most of us focus on what hasn’t been done, what hasn’t been crossed off the list. We are wired to fixate more on the negative than the positive. It is simply the negativity bias kicking in and trying to keep us safe. The problem is that this can set us on a treadmill of continual effort to finish things, without any of the satisfaction that we anticipate when we do. If we don’t take the time to celebrate ourselves and our achievements when they happen, we risk experiencing longterm burnout.

Any good business leader will tell you that in order to keep projects on task, it is imperative to provide constant positive feedback in a realtime fashion. Not only does it help keep people on track, it helps to build confidence, creativity, and enthusiasm. The same holds true in our personal lives. And as we manage our personal lives, it is just as important to recognize positive behaviors and actions in order to keep our own momentum flourishing.

One way to do this is to take some time each week and review what has been accomplished. This is especially important when focusing on longterm goals such as weight loss or changing to healthier eating habits. It is so easy to get discouraged if we don’t feel we are where we should be or where we had planned to be. So during this personal review session, focus on what did happen, not what didn’t. Every step we take is part of a process that leads to a milestone, and those steps deserve to be celebrated just as much as the ultimate goal.

The next step is to decide how to reward yourself. Sometimes just recognizing how much you have accomplished is enough to provide satisfaction. Sometimes, though, the rewards should be more tangible. Remember–bonuses serve a great purpose in the workplace, and they can do the same in our personal space. Maybe it’s an afternoon out , or a new pair of jeans, or even a spa day. Perhaps it is a walk in the woods or coffee with friends. The goal here is to reward yourself and break up the routine, since routine can be deadly to progress. Once we fall into a routine we are more likely to function on autopilot and get through the day without really thinking about what we are doing. When that happens we are less likely to recognize our progress, and that threatens our momentum and enthusiasm. Without enthusiasm, it is much more difficult to see a project or a goal through to completion.

So give yourself a break and celebrate what you’ve done this week. Chances are you have accomplished more than you give yourself credit for. Once you realize that and allow yourself to feel satisfied about what has been done rather than what remains to do, you will find that you have much more energy to keep moving forward. And having more energy should be a great reason to be your own best cheerleader.

Are you ready to discover how the power of one-on-one coaching can help you break down self-imposed barriers and reach your Personal Best? Click here to schedule a complimentary strategic coaching session and see if wellness coaching is right for you.

Five Ways to Manage Stress

Posted: October 12, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, motivation, optimism, wellness | Tags: energy, exercise, healthcare, job stress, personal satisfaction, self care, stress, stress reduction, wellness, wellness coaching | Leave a comment

It is no surprise that when asked to name the one thing they would most like to change in their workplace, employees almost always put stress levels at the top of the list. What with downsizing, rightsizing, and endless budget cuts, the mantra for so many companies these days is “do more with less”. One of the phrases I often heard in management meetings during my corporate time was “suck it up and get over it.” Unfortunately, this places an added burden on employees that remain after layoffs which only increases individual stress levels. With so much economic uncertainty, not only in the workplace but at home as well, it is no small wonder that most employees are looking for ways to minimize the effects of stress from their jobs.

The interesting thing is that everyone has a different idea of what stress is. What bothers one person may not affect another at all. Staff members at the Mayo Clinic define stress as a situation”when the demands placed upon a person exceed his or her capabilities.” It is actually a good definition of stress since it place the responsibility on both the situation and the individual, not just the individual as do so many other definitions. Reactions to stress are connected to a myriad of factors. What bothers someone one day may not be an issue the next. Lack of sleep, hunger, the amount of exercise in a day–these are just a few things that can play a part in a person’s reaction to stress.

The effects of stress are a problem not only for the employee, but the organization as well. It is estimated that 75 to 90 percent of all doctor visits are for stress-related conditions. If stress levels are not addressed, chronic health conditions can develop such as high blood pressure, diabetes, and obesity. Frequent colds are not uncommon for people suffering from chronic stress. This all plays into a person’s productivity at work, increasing absenteeism and decreasing productivity. These chronic health conditions have a direct impact on the healthcare costs of an organization and thus the overall profitability of that organization is reduced. Therefore it seems like it would be in everyone’s best interest to address the stress levels in the workplace and explore ways to minimize the harmful effects of those conditions.

One of the most important things we can do is to set healthy personal boundaries. With all the technology flooding the market, we can no longer leave the office at the office. People are now expected to be available 24/7, especially when the boss seems to live and breathe for their blackberry or iPhone. Instead of making life easier, the information age has actually had the opposite effect. We expect results more quickly and judge ourselves and others if there is a lag time in response to an email or voice mail, even during the weekend. The new term for this is cerebral burnout, and is a very real condition.

Personal boundaries are one way to combat the possibility of cerebral burnout. In today’s world it may not be realistic to think that not responding to emails or texts after the traditional end of the workday is acceptable. But you can set a boundary as to when you will stop responding. Let colleagues know that you put your phone away at 8:00 pm and don’t look at again until you start work the next day. Starting work may be at the breakfast table and not when you hit the office, but at least your coworkers or bosses will have a clear idea of when they will hear from you. Not only does this allow you to have downtime without guilt, but you can also begin to ween yourself off electronic devices in the evenings which will have a positive impact on the quality of sleep. Better sleep patterns contributes to a stronger ability to combat stress, so this is really a two-for-one win.

Another great way to combat stress is to begin a program of mental training. Used by athletes to focus on performance, mental training is a type of meditation. Before you start each day, give yourself five or ten minutes and turn your attention to your breathing. Think only of your breath as you inhale and exhale. This will calm the mind, and slow down all that information zinging back and forth in your brain. When your brain is quieter, it becomes easier to focus during the day, and the result is greater productivity. Greater productivity naturally means less stress.

My favorite stress release is exercise. Thirty minutes of cardio on a daily basis will have an unbelievable impact on the ability to cope in stressful situations. Other types of exercise such as yoga or tai chi show equally impressive results. The benefits of exercise include improved brain function, neuron growth, the release of beta-endorphins, and lower muscle tension. It can also increase weight loss, a fact that most people would look at as the number one health benefit.

Speaking of lowering muscle tension–regularly scheduled massages can play a huge role in stress management. Although many people still consider massage to be a luxury, muscle tension is perhaps the number one symptom of stress. In addition to being painful, it can even compromise organ function over time. Regular massage counteracts the effects of stress by decreasing muscle tension and increasing lymphatic drainage. This helps to remove toxins from the body and allows better functionality. Aside from that, a massage just feels good. One note of caution–do not order a deep tissue massage if you are going for your first experience. Although it may sound great, your muscles may not appreciate that much manipulation. Try a swedish massage or a Hawaiian Lomi Lomi massage for your first few treatments.

Make time to socialize–in person. Social support is crucial in stressful situations, but not if the only support you receive is virtual. Face time ( and not on an iPhone) can help to put things in perspective and give the support you need to get through rough times. It is so easy to let social connections slide when you are feeling overwhelmed, but that is precisely when real friendship matters the most. So make it a point to get together with friends on a regular basis. Schedule lunches, potlucks, or just a coffee date. Better yet, make it a celebration and visit a spa with friends for an afternoon of bonding and massage. Stress levels won’t stand a chance!

These are just five ways to combat stress. When we think of stress, most of us focus on the workplace, but it is important to remember that stress can occur anywhere. I know retirees with no financial worries who are more stressed-out than my executive friends. It really is a matter of how you perceive situations and how your body reacts to them. Of course, you can’t reduce stress levels without trying to increase levels of overall well being, but focusing on stress reduction is a good step in the right direction.

So what do you do to fight stress in the workplace or home front? I would love to hear the unique ways people have found to help them cope with our increasingly demanding world.

Are you ready to discover how the power of one-on-one coaching can help you focus on your health and reduce your own stress levels? Click here to schedule a complimentary strategic coaching session and see if wellness coaching is right for you.

Positive Attitude as a Choice

Posted: October 9, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, motivation, satisfaction | Tags: acceptance, balance, change, choice, coaching, core values, fulfillment, happiness, job stress, mindfulness, motivation, satisfaction, wellness | Leave a comment

I had lunch last week with a friend from what I affectionately refer to as my old life, more commonly known as the corporate world. Not only is she a friend, but she consistently reads my blog. At one point she mentioned that my posts were full of positive energy and that it must be so nice to have such a positive lifestyle. While I was flattered by her comments, I was also amused that she thought I had found the secret to banishing all things negative from my life. It’s a great idea, and if anyone knows how to do that, I would love to hear it.

The truth is, being positive does not eliminate bad things from happening in life. Bad things happen, and bad situations exist in everyone’s life at one time or another. The good news is that these things don’t have to make you negative or unhappy. The fact is, sometimes life just sucks, but how you decide to react to that is your responsibility. And once you make the connection, an amazing thing can happen. Being responsible for your actions and your reactions creates a real sense of empowerment. And empowerment leads to choice. Choice leads to growth. Growth leads to positivity.

For example, consider being “stuck” in a job you hate. Everyday it takes all your energy just to get up and get to work. That is a very debilitating environment, and it would be very easy to begin to see yourself as a victim of a bad situation. However, once you accept that you chose the job, and more importantly that you choose to continue in the job, you become responsible for the situation. That gives you control of the situation, and suddenly the power to make a change does not seem that far out of reach. It is a generally accepted fact that people who feel in control or empowered tend to be more positive, and that those who are more positive are more likely to focus on personal development and growth.

In addition to accepting responsibility, there is another sure-fire way achieve a positive outlook when faced with life’s challenges. So often we find ourselves reacting to emotional triggers in difficult situations. That is more or less a natural reaction–a knee jerk response caused by a previous scenario or imagined danger. Immediate reaction tends to cloud judgement. It is so easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment, but in doing so we lose perspective and our choices may not have the most benefit for all involved.

Acting mindfully is one way to choose a more positive reaction to a situation. Instead of reacting immediately to a situation, take a breath and simply observe what is going on without engaging in it. This isn’t necessarily an easy thing to do, but often it will slow us down enough so that we can choose a reaction that is more compassionate and in keeping with our core values. When our choices coincide with the values we hold as important, it is much easier to remain positive. And sometimes, when the actions themselves we choose are difficult, knowing that we are not acting against our own beliefs makes those choices a little easier.

Finally, one other way to maintain a positive outlook is to look for lessons. When you stop to observe a situation, also think about what you can learn from it. We can learn something from all events–good or bad. Whether we choose to take advantage of that is up to us. But if we do open ourselves to the concept that we can learn from all events, we are bound to enrich ourselves. And that enrichment leads to change, which leads to growth. And growth can’t help but foster a positive outlook.

So if you think that you must have an easy life to have a positive attitude, think again. Having a strife-free life does not guarantee happiness, even if such a thing were possible. Rather, how we deal with adversity and setbacks plays a major role in determining our level of positivity. Taking responsibility , observing before engaging, and learning from every opportunity are all ways to build on a positive attitude. And that is something we can happily share with the world.

Assessing Happiness

Posted: October 4, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, happiness, motivation, wellness | Tags: achievement, balance, change, coaching, fulfillment, happiness, health, personal development, planning, satisfaction, self-reflectionion, well being | Leave a comment

Fall is my favorite season of the year. It is a time of preparation and change. You can even feel it in the weather–hot and dry one day, damp and fogged in the next. It’s as though Nature is preparing for the changes that lie ahead. I know spring is considered the time of birth and growth, but I always give that award to fall. Maybe it is because we all started school in the fall, so as children we associate new beginnings with September. Whatever the reason may be , I have always looked at this season as a time to reflect on where the year has taken me until now, what I still want to accomplish before the new year is upon us, and what new changes I may want to explore in the current year.

The great thing about taking time for self-reflection is that it allows us to really think about what we are doing and how we really feel about what is going on in our lives. Lets face it, most of us move too quickly everyday to stop and think about how daily events affect us rather than simply react to them. I think it is fair to say that most people want to be happy in life. I also believe it is fair to say that most people lose sight of that goal, or don’t even think of it as a goal, when it takes most of their energy just to get through the day.

That is why setting some time aside for a self-assessment can be so beneficial. Assessments are especially helpful if you have a feeling that something is not quite right with your life, but you can’t quite pinpoint the problem. So many times I hear clients say “something has to give, but I’m not sure what.” There is a feeling that things are off-balance, but finding the root of the problem can be difficult. Sometimes people are afraid to take action because they are not sure if they are treating the cause or the symptom.

Using assessments to determine your own level of wellness is a proactive form of healthcare. In High Level Wellness, An Alternative to Doctors, Drugs, and Disease, Don Ardell states that “…the preventative posture is defensive and largely reactive. That is, it is designed to protect you against illness or disease; wellness, on the other hand, achieves the same end by advocating health enrichment, or health promotion, and life enhancements.” Here is one way to determine your overall level of wellness, and look at areas which may be ready for some attention.

The major life elements can be broken down into nine sections. They are:

Health and well being
Family
Friends
Personal Growth and development
Significant Other/romance
Fun and recreation
Physical Environment
Career
Money

To assess your overall well being, rank your level of satisfaction in each category, with one as the least feeling of fulfillment and ten being the most fulfilling. If you answer honestly, you will most likely see that there are areas where you feel the most fulfilled, and some areas that are lacking. In a perfect world, we would be fulfilled in all areas, but the reality is that is not very likely. There are probably areas that need work, but some may not be so important at this time. You may realize that you want to focus on certain areas now or soon, and others perhaps at another time.

Now, scoring is always a very personal thing. The goal here is to reach the optimum level of wellness for each person in each area. That does not mean that everyone should strive for a ten all around, but neither should they be satisfied with accepting a five. The higher your score, the higher your level of fulfillment in that area. The higher level of fulfillment in each category leads to a greater sense of overall happiness when the results are viewed as a whole.

Breaking down aspects of wellness into categories can help to determine why life feels out of balance and where you might like to make a change. For instance, you may be have a middle score in career, but a low score in fun and recreation. After deciding to focus on ways to ways to increase fun and recreation, you may find that you find more satisfaction with your career as well. Although each area can be treated individually, they are still parts of a whole, and changes in one area can have an effect other areas as well.

This assessment is a great tool to take stock of where we are on the path to overall happiness and well being. The answers from each area can act as road signs, pointing us in the direction of greater health and fulfillment. Using it as a self-reflective tool can help to clarify where we would like to make changes in our lives and gives us a head start as we begin planning all the positive activity we envision for 2013.

Ref: Wellness Coaching for Lasting Lifestyle Change, Michael Arloski, PhD, PCC

Tending to Dreams

Posted: October 2, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, motivation, satisfaction, Uncategorized, wellness | Tags: change, coaching, core values, dreams, fear of failure, fulfillment, goal-setting, happiness, health, motivation, satisfaction, self improvement, Self-talk, wellness | 1 Comment

A dream is only as difficult as you make it

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream” –C.S. Lewis

One of the great things about goals is that they are something that are uniquely our own creation. We decide what we want to accomplish, and we create the roadmap to get there. True, we can have shared goals as well, but the extent of our involvement is always a personal decision, whether the goal be work related or one on the home front. We create our own goals, and because we do, they become our own responsibility as well.

A goal or a dream is very much like a garden or a friendship. They each require watering and tending or they won’t last for long. But how can you focus on a goal when it is a full-time job just to get through each day? Seriously, with all the demands we face with work, deadlines, commutes, kids, aging parents, pets, errands (the list goes on and on) it is so easy to lose sight of what we want to change or create. So often what we dream of doing becomes something we will start tomorrow, or next week, or maybe when the kids are back in school. Before you know it, that idea that sounded so great is more of memory of what could have been than what will be.

How can you keep your attention on a goal without burning out? One way is to prioritize your goals. Recognize whether the outcome is an immediate one or if it will take time to accomplish. You could be looking at ways to improve your health and lose ten pounds. Perhaps the job stress you feel is a killer, and you are looking for ways to cope with and minimize its effects on your health and well being. Or maybe you have a dream of making a major change and switching career tracks to something that is more meaningful and fulfilling.

These are all examples of different range goals. They do have one thing in common, however. All goals need to have clarity and a plan if you want to achieve them. A timeline doesn’t hurt either. Setting a timeline, as long as it is realistic, can help keep things on track and in perspective. Tackling a long-term dream with expectations of immediate fulfillment will most likely end in frustration and surrender. Conversely, a goal that could give more immediate satisfaction shouldn’t be approached with the same plan as a broader vision goal. That path usually ends with the dream fading slowly away because the action to achieve it was not clear enough or strong enough.

Once you have the timeline established, break the action plan into manageable bits. Mark out milestones of what you want to achieve and when you want that to happen. It helps to keep things in perspective and prevents frustration or unrealistic expectations. Of course, checking in with a friend, colleague, or coach, is a great way to establish accountability for your plan and maintain your momentum.

One of the most important things you can to when trying to realize a dream is to get out of your own way. As a species, we have evolved with a strong negativity bias. We tend to look for the worst, and expect the worst, because historically it meant we would live longer. If you don’t expect to see the tiger in the jungle, chances are you won’t make it out of the jungle. So over the generations, this bias has been built into our behavior, even it does not always serve us well any longer. Often this bias translates into thoughts that undermine our success. It allows us to create our own barriers to protect us from the possibility of failure. Reasons that we can’t achieve what we really want to change. Oftentimes it is easier to believe that those barriers exist than to make the effort and take the risk to create something that is really important to us. Sometimes it takes the form of procrastination. But the truth is, if you listen to all the reasons why something shouldn’t work, chances are you will begin to believe them–especially if you are the one who is listing them off.

We are–all of us–capable of achieving much more than we ever expect possible. The reason we have the power to dream about changes is simply because we also have the power to make those changes come true. So many times, we think about changing something, or moving in a new direction in our lives, but somewhere a voice pops up saying that it isn’t feasible or realistic. Or we don’t have the skills or background to accomplish something.

The great news is that this voice is almost always wrong. If you plan, prioritize, and get out of your own way, you move the probability of success up dramatically. It doesn’t matter where you are in life, or what circumstances surround you. We have the power to effect change in our own lives–to make changes for the better. I’m not saying reaching a goal is easy. I think it is common knowledge that change is hard, regardless of the type. But if you believe that goal is necessary, resonates with your core values, and will change your life for the better, you are almost guaranteed success.

Don’t let yourself believe that change is too hard, or you are too old. That you have already achieved what you set out to do so no new dreams are necessary and complacency is acceptable. Because that is the other great thing about dreams. Not only are they our own creations, but we can develop new ones at any age or stage of life. And the best thing is that goals and dreams lead to change. Change leads to satisfaction. And as I may have mentioned before–satisfaction is a cornerstone to living a truly happy existence.

There are a few spaces left for the upcoming free Jumpstart 2013 teleclass. Sign up today and be ready for those resolutions on New Years Eve!

Mindfulness vs Multi-tasking

Posted: September 29, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: change, coaching, mindfulness, motivation, satisfaction, wellness | Tags: best business practices, Career, coaching, concentration, corporate wellness, happiness, job stress, meditation, mindfulness, multitasking, performance, personal satisfaction, productivity, relationships, wellness, work | Leave a comment

“Mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally”–Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, 1994

Here’s a little quiz. How often during the workday do you find yourself putting out fires and moving in two hundred directions at once? Have you ever found yourself thinking that you do many things during the day but feel that you do very few of them well? If you answer yes to either of these questions you can consider yourself a functioning member of the modern workforce. It seems that multitasking is here to stay. It is the only way we can possibly keep up with increasing productivity demands in an environment plagued by diminishing resources.

Studies show that our minds wander away from the task at hand about 49 percent of the time. And that is without any additional prompting or stimulus. Throw in digital technology–texting, face time, email–and it seems that focusing on what we feel is important is almost a lost cause. We have been conditioned to respond to a smartphone alert almost like a Pavlovian dog. It is not at all unusual to see someone stop during a conversation to check a text or email. Couple this with the fact that a whole generation has grown up with TV remote surfing syndrome, and it is not surprising that staying focused on one subject for a given period of time seems almost impossible.

Many people regard multitasking as the ultimate productivity tool. The number of items crossed off a list in the shortest period of time indicates your effectiveness at work. However, findings from Basex, a New York based business research firm tend to disprove this concept. Data from their studies shows that multitasking costs the US economy an average of $997 billion in lost productivity and a minimum of 28 million hours annually. In a time when people are asked to do more with less, it would seem that multitasking has finally become counterproductive.

So how can you, and the company you work for, possibly hope to combat this loss of productivity? Is there a way to create an increased productivity flow with stronger personal interactions along with a decreased error ratio?

Yes, there is. More and more forward-thinking companies are introducing mindfulness training programs into their daily operations. The result? More rational decision-making and problem-solving, not to mention a stronger sense of equilibrium no matter how many fires are burning around you. Companies such as General Mills, Apple, Google, and AstraZenenca, to name a few, have a successfully incorporated mindfulness practices into their workforces. Apple even has meditation rooms where employees can regain focus during difficult periods.

There is a bias against mindfulness in many circles. Often it is thought of as some esoteric type of Eastern religion that couldn’t possibly mix with a modern corporate culture. Mindfulness is most often associated with meditation, which when misunderstood can seem like a selfish waste of time. However, if meditation is introduced not just as a mindfulness technique, but a secular exercise in concentration, there is more often a willingness to explore the possible benefits in corporate cultures. After all, who wouldn’t want to experience increased concentration, stronger relationships, enhanced decision-making abilities, and a more positive work environment?

One way to bring mindfulness to the office environment is take a few moments each day and focus inward. Begin by sitting comfortably and focus on your breath. Breath in for a count three and out for a count of five. Chances are your mind will immediately rebel and start throwing around any thoughts it can to distract you. The mind does not like to be challenged or harnessed, so that is perfectly normal. Simply acknowledge the thoughts as they appear, then let them float away. Do not focus on them, but at the same time, don’t try to pretend that they don’t exist. Continually let your focus come back to your breath, breathing in for three and out for five. Continue the practice for five minutes in the beginning, or even three minutes. Meditation is not as easy as it sounds, but you will be able to extend your practice as you become more comfortable with it. If you feel that it sounds like a waste of time, just remember that Apple, Inc. allows each employee thirty minutes a day for meditation, with on-site classes offered as well. I think we can all agree that Apple doesn’t appear to be suffering from a decreased level of productivity.

The goal is to be present in each moment throughout the day. To be aware of what you are doing at the time you are doing it. It sounds so simple, but keep in mind that we lose focus about 49% of the time. That is when mistakes and faulty decisions are more likely to be made. There are physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits to mindfulness practices in addition to improved best-business practices. As companies become more concerned with the overall well-being of their employees, it seems only natural that mindfulness practices will become accepted as the norm if an organization truly wants to flourish.

There are a few spaces left for the upcoming free Jumpstart 2013 teleclass. Sign up today and be ready for those resolutions on New Years Eve!

If You Can’t Say Anything Nice…

Posted: September 21, 2012 | Author: Chris Griffin | Filed under: coaching, happiness, motivation, satisfaction | Tags: coaching, communication, happiness, management theory, marriage, performance, positive leadership, positivity, relationships, satisfaction | 2 Comments

When was the last time you said something nice to someone at work? How about hearing something nice said about you? Sure, compliments or praise about your performance make you feel good, but they are also good for the bottom line. It may not be a well-known fact, but positive communication plays a huge role in company performance.

I believe the workplace is undergoing a transformation. It may be slow, but it is underway. Studies show that the companies with the highest levels of performance also have the highest levels of positive communication. Positive communication is defined as comments or statements that are supportive, encouraging and appreciative versus comments that are critical, disapproving or contradictory . In broader terms, positive communication takes place when supportive and affirmative language is used in place of negative or critical language.

So how can you tell if your company practices positive communication? It can be broken down by numbers, really. This is an area where the trickle down theory really does work. Top management needs to be involved. The ratio of positive to negative comments from management must be above five to one. So for every negative comment made, there are at least five positive comments. Interestingly, medium performing companies have a ratio of 1.85 to 1. Low performing companies show a ratio of .36 to 1.

I don’t know about you, but I would much rather work in a place that puts more importance on what goes right than on what goes wrong. Seems like it would make for a better working environment to me.

There are other factors involved in positive communication. High performing companies have a greater rate of inquiry statements to advocacy statements. Not surprisingly, asking others for advice, opinions, or viewpoints fosters stronger communication and results than standing firm on or defending an opinion or position. There is also a balance regarding self-focused statements versus others-focused statements in positively aligned companies. High performance companies show a ratio of almost one to one in this regard. These organizations show a pattern where concern for others is on par with concern for one’s self. As companies move down the performance scale, the ratio of self vs. others concerns grows by almost three to one.

It is important to note that high-performance companies do not try to eliminate negative statements altogether. That would be unrealistic as well potentially damaging. There will always be areas of concern and the need for correction in organizations. The difference is how those concerns and corrections are addressed and handled. As with anything, there must be a balance between positive and negative communication. Too much positive communication can lead to complacency and mediocrity. Too much negative feedback can instill defensiveness or withdrawal in the workforce. Neither extreme is beneficial to high performance in the workplace.

The power of positive communication plays a huge role not only in the workplace, but in our personal lives as well. This same ratio of five to one can determine the long-term viability of a marriage or relationship. In 1994, a gentleman by the name of John Gottman studied couples in fifteen minute conversations regarding difficult subjects. Child rearing, money, or time spent at work were examples of topics covered. He discovered that one of the best ways to predict if a relationship would survive was directly related to the ratio of positive to negative communications. Once again, the magic formula of five to one was the benchmark that indicates a relationship’s sustainability. Gottman followed these couples over ten years, and predicted with a high measure of success which couples would still be married ten years later based on the fifteen minute conversation used in the study.

Why is positive communication so important to successful relationships, both personally and professionally? Most likely it is because a supportive and appreciative method of communication fosters stronger and more trusting relationships. Living or working in an environment where you feel valued and appreciated will almost always guarantee that you bring your best self to the table. Sharing ideas or thoughts is much easier when you don’t feel that someone is gunning for you–looking to prove you wrong or shoot your idea down. Positive communication fosters a positive environment which acts as a cradle for creativity and productivity.

Alice Roosevelt Longworth once said, ” If you can’t say something nice about someone, come sit next to me.” She may have been fun at a cocktail party, but I don’t know that I would turn to her for relationship advice. Positive communication may not always be witty, nor is it necessarily easy. However, I believe it is crucial to bringing out the best in each of us. When we support and encourage those around us, it is much more likely that we will be supported and encouraged in return. A supportive atmosphere encourages growth and performance, and positive communication is vital if you want to create that atmosphere–whether at home or in the workplace.

Ref: Positive Leadership, Kim Cameron, 2008

Ref: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman, 2000

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