A Time-Out for the Mind

monkeyHow many times have you been in a meeting at work and suddenly realized  you have no idea what has just been said?  Or you have a deadline looming but every time you sit down to finish up the project  something else suddenly seems more important?   It happens time and time again.  As soon as we try to concentrate on one particular issue, our mind is flooded with a thousand other things we could or should be doing.   It’s as if  our mind is purposely trying to sabotage us and distract us from what we need to do.

The bad news is that it’s true–our minds continually try to distract us.  The good news is that we can control that.  To some degree  we learn to control our thought processes as we age.  It is a natural progression.  But like any skill set, concentration can be improved and strengthened with use and training.  After all, an olympic runner may naturally be pretty fast and beat the other local runners, but she isn’t going to make it to the top of podium without major practice and training.

What are some of the benefits of enhanced concentration?  One of the most popular benefits is improved work performance.  When you can focus on one topic and give it your full and undivided attention, the resulting product will undoubtedly be of a higher quality, completed in less time.

Another benefit of concentration is peace of mind.   If we can train our minds to remain on the situation in the present moment,  there is less chance to let our minds wander to the future and the “what if” possible scenarios.   These scenarios are the basis for a lot manufactured stress in today’s world.  We spend too much time thinking about what may happen, or what could happen.   These thoughts tend to generate anxiety  about situations that may not even occur.

Improving concentration and focus in the present moment is a great way reduce stress, but many people are at a loss when asked just how to do that.  Some feel they have no problem concentrating.  Here is an exercise to see just how distracted your mind may be.   Set a timer for three or five minutes.  Without a given subject in mind, begin to write down whatever comes into your head.  Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation, or grammar.  Don’t even think about what you are writing, just let it flow as a stream of consciousness.  When the timer goes off, take a look at what you’ve written.  Chances are that you will see a variety of subjects, and many thoughts or ideas which are only half-finished before switching to another topic.  It is a fascinating exercise to see how quickly the mind can jump from subject to subject.

In mindfulness circles, this behavior is often referred to as monkey-mind.  Swinging from one idea to another, the mind is like a monkey in the trees swinging from vine to vine.  This is the monkey that worries about the future and keeps us up at night.  Even when we are enjoying ourselves, that monkey is swinging around and trying to distract us.  I also like to think of it as the squirrel syndrome.  Picture  a cartoon dog who stops mid-sentence because he is more interested in the squirrel or  shiny object that just saw rushed by.   Not only is it hard to concentrate or enjoy any activities at hand,  quite frankly chasing those squirrels can be downright exhausting.

So when the mind is misbehaving and running amuck, treat it like the preschooler that it is and give it a time out.  For just a few minutes, stop what you are doing and concentrate on nothing.  Now, most people will find when they try to clear their minds, it only allows space for more thoughts to rush in, so finding a starting point is good.   Instead of nothing, concentrate on your breath.  Breathe in, count for three counts and out for five counts.  Think about how it feels as you breath in and out through your nose.   Here’s a tip–you will probably think about other things as you do this.  That’s perfectly normal.  Just acknowledge the thought and move on.  Let  it go out as easily as it came in.  Like the writing exercise, try this for three to five minutes.

The good thing is that you can do this anywhere (except possibly behind the wheel).  Steal a few minutes at work and give yourself a mini-vacation.  Try it while taking a bath and create a spa-like experience.   Like any exercise, the more you do it, the better you will become at it.  You will be able to focus for longer periods of time.  You may start to see improved concentration in areas you didn’t expect.  Anxiety levels may decrease.  Enjoyment of the present moment may increase.

Just like a monkey or a toddler, training  the mind to behave is never easy.  However,  you can train your mind to focus  on one item at a time (or nothing at all).   When you do that, you eliminate trips into the past or the future and thus reduce feelings of regret or anxiety.   Aside from boosting self-confidence from mastering a new skill, you can’t help but improve your quality of life.  And that, I think, is definitely worth the effort.

So when the monkey is swinging in the trees,  give your mind a time out.  Put it in a corner and let it rest.  You’ll be glad you did.

 

 

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Reality Check

Lately I’ve been hearing some misconceptions about what working with a wellness or life coach can do for you.  There seem to be some people who are looking for the ultimate fix.  The silver bullet that will eliminate all the issues standing between them and happiness.  I would love to say that as coaches, we have all the answers.   We can fix your life, remove all  barriers, and hand you an issue-free life on a platter.  I would love to say that.  And  I would be lying.

The truth is that a happy existence is not one free of strife or difficulties.  We all have good days and bad days.  Sometimes they are even great days or horrible days. Or weeks or months.   The difference, however, between having a happy existence or a miserable one lies in how we view and deal with  life’s challenges as well as its rewards.  Learning how to eliminate setbacks or problems is not the key to a happy life. The key to a happy life can be determined by our attitude and behavior when managing those setbacks or problems.

One of the most important tools for crafting a satisfying existence is very simple one.

Optimism.

Optimism is crucial to understanding that bad situations are temporary and will change at some point.  That understanding  is an incredibly powerful tool.  The people who hold this attitude are more likely to navigate through bad times more quickly and with less adverse effects than those who cannot see an end to a problem.

Sounds great.   But what if you are not someone who always sees the glass as half full?  Is there anything you can do to change that?

The short answer is–yes, you can.

One way to do this is to start with something called the Three Good Things Exercise.  Every evening for at least a week, write down three good things that happened to you during the day.  They don’t have to big things.  Could be getting a parking space close to the store.  Or they could be big things.  Getting a new job or promotion would count on that list.   For every item, ask yourself these questions.  1)  Why did this happen?  2) How does it effect you?  3)  Can you manifest more of this in the future? 4) Are you grateful for it?

This is a variation on the gratitude exercise  in which you list three things you are grateful for.  The purpose is to shift attention away from the negative and focus more on the positive aspects of daily life.  Guess what?  It works.  Research shows that more people maintained a positive attitude for a longer period after completing the exercise than those who did not.   And not to go all Pollyanna, but I can vouch for it from personal experience.

Another exercise is a bit longer but worth the time.  For one month, keep a record as to whether it was a good or bad day, and what happened that made you feel that way.  This doesn’t have a to be a long journal entry.  Just a few words to note the condition of the day.  When you review the entries at the end of the month, chances are you will notice a pattern between good and bad entries.  The results will most likely support the phrase “This, too shall pass”.  If you see a pattern emerge as to how you regard and react to difficult situations, it can be easier to recognize them as a temporary period when they arise in the future.  This exercise can also act as a springboard for a mindfulness practice, but more on that later.

It is impossible to eliminate difficulties in this life.  To strive for that is simply unrealistic.  But how we deal with adversity has a great deal to do with the quality of our lives.   As Sylvia Boorstein points out in her classic book  It’s Easier Than You Think,  managing life’s difficulties gracefully is a something worth striving for.

So if you want to bring a little more positivity into your outlook, why not give these two exercises a go.  It can’t hurt.   It doesn’t cost anything, doesn’t take a lot of time, no equipment needed, and just may change the way you look at life for the better.

And especially in today’s world,  a little extra positive energy in our attitude is something we could all benefit from.

Are you ready to discover how the power of one-on-one coaching can help you break down self-imposed barriers and reach your Personal Best?  Click  here to schedule a complimentary strategic coaching session and see if wellness coaching is right for you.

Ref: Flourish, Martin Seligman,  2011

Ref: It’s Easier Than You Think, Sylvia Boorstein, 1997